Why my week was bad (long story be ready...)

Well, I don't even know what happened. Let me put out a warning now. I am going to be very honest and real. I'm not here to please anyone or to be fake. I am who I am and my feelings and experiences are real. Don't judge me. I have nothing to hide and that's how I got to where I am now. That's just how I roll.

Saturday... I slept in late. Woke up to an empty house. took a shower and got ready to go out. to do something. anything. I'm going crazy with these two weeks off work. I don't know what to do with myself. I sent a text to pretty much all peeps to see what was going on for the day... no response. And it was all downhill from there.
I always tend to get into trouble in idle times. When I have nothing to keep me busy. When I can just get my mind going on all kinds of crazy thoughts. Its all bad. So the pity party began.

I was thinking about my life. I live in a house where I don't belong. Of course I know i am welcome here, but I just don't get it. I cant accept it. I've been out of high school for almost 3 years and I have nothing to show for it. I work at a job that I love and am passionate about, but it just isn't cutting it. I owe a lot of money to a lot of people. There are a lot of people around me, but I am always alone. The reality is that I have no friends. I have Brendon and that's it. Not that he isn't good enough, but I need friends... Its been way too long. I cant keep trying to pour into others and always be the strong one when I have no one to really "do life" with.

In the middle of my little pity party, I got a text. One of my old friends from Concord wanted me to smoke with her. Of course my initial response would be no way, but after sitting there for what seemed like forever, the idea of getting away from everything for a while sounded really good. I tried to get ahold of a few other friends and got nothing.

My mind was made up. I was gonna go find my friend and just get out for a while. Have some fun. Forget everything. Just escape. I got in my car and pulled out my phone to call my friend. I called her up and after one ring, I hung up. I punched my steering wheel and got out of the car. slammed the door.

Went back into the house. It was dark. I just laid on the floor for a long time. I remember thinking that this was the only place I was safe. Here in the dark. No TV or internet to sway me to go party. nothing to tempt me. Just me laying face down on the floor in the dark.

I was just thinking. Thinking about how stupid I was for even considering going out to Concord that night. Thinking of all the people I would have let down. How my testimony would be ruined. I would have to start all over again to gain trust that I had gained over the years. How every word I had spoken into many youths would have turned into another let down in their life... another disappointment.

Also, I would never be able to disappoint Ken and April like that. After all that they have done for me. Opening their home to me and allowing me to stay here, that would be just disrespectful for me to do something stupid like that. I remember that last time I decided that it would be worth it and the conversation I had to have with April first. Ugh, I wanted to die a thousand deaths, it was miserable. And then the talk I had with Ken and the thought of possible not being able to help with youth. Ouch! Definitely not worth it, not ever!

After deciding that I was over my little fit, I turned the TV onto the Gospel Music Channel. It was a Toby Mac concert. I love it! Watching that and having a chocolate brownie with vanilla ice cream made my day so much more better! lol. Listening to the songs made me remember God in everything that I was feeling. I totally left him out of all of it.

Then church on Sunday was just for me. There were two girls in front of me that were talking very loudly *caugh* Jocelyn and Erica *caugh* so I kicked them in the back! haha, I think i got the point across. Again, that's how I roll. I needed that message.

Sunday good day: bike hunt... long story.

Monday I lost my wallet. I was freaking out for like 5 hours looking everywhere for it. Really I was panicking. And if you were wondering... yes i did in fact pray in the middle of my chaos looking for my wallet, but it never did turn up...

When I finally came home I was still freaking out. I opened the door only to find Ken, April, Dana, and the kids playing guitar hero world tour! As much of a bad mood I was in, I couldn't help but laugh. That made my day. Not so much laughing at them playing, but just being with people that were having fun and in a good mood. I couldn't stay in a bad mood, trust me, I tried. =]

At the end of the night, I told them what happened to my wallet, and they told me what I needed to do. I had a check in there from Dana so I asked her if she could cancel it. She was totally cool about it too. Can I just say, Dana is probably the nicest person I have ever met. You know, like when you meet someone and you can just tell they have a good heart? Well that's her. And then today she brought me cash to replace the check. YES! =]

Oh and Brendon totally made my life better by just stepping in for me. Just thought I'd throw that in there... =]

Then I told April about everything and oh my golly gee. I flippin' LOVE April! She told me... well actually reminded me.. of some things I already knew, but wasn't remembering when I needed to. Like how my ultimate motivation for choosing not to sin should be because it breaks God's heart when I sin. DUH! Why was I not thinking of this in the moment?! Also, that I should hate sin like God hates sin... And then she reminded me that no matter what I might be going though liek worldly or whatever, it shouldnt matter. Liek if Jesus came back tomorrow, my bills or problems here on Earth wont matter anyway. DUH! Wow I was jsut so gone. lol.

Also, I she reminded me that next time I need to praise God in my circumstance. Like praise him in the storm. Yeah, that's a thought that was far from my brain. See these things I know in my head, but I forget to apply them because I'm not in a bible study or small group where I am getting poured into on a regular basis. Ugh! But thats why I have April and Ken and Kelli in my life to help me along the way. They always got my back and are there for me, and that is why I flippin' adore them so much. I'd be lost without them...

=]

End of the story is: I love God and I love people. I just gotta remember to live it out in all that I do...

Peace!

Christmas

First let me start out by saying that my Christmas was amazing. It was drama free. I had the whole house to myself for a week... well kind of... (only when I didn't have the house full of visitors... which was only one day...)I got to see my fam bam and I got lots of gifts.

The gifts didn't matter so much, but I was disappointed in one thing: All the cards I got were blank. Just a bunch of card saying to Corine From [insert name]. MAN! Thats the best part for me is reading the nice things people write in the cards. My aunt was taken off guard when I opened the card and said "What the heck?!?" She thought I was saying the money wasn't good enough... no that wasn't the problem. i showed her the card and was like "what kind of crap is this? A BLANK CARD!?" lol she knows my personality and that I was just being dramatic, but man I wish some people would put some thought into it!

My two favorite gifts were my blanket and my pillow. Ken and April... well actually more like April, found me this super super soft blanket that I love to death and I am going to keep forever. No you cant use it so don't even ask me cuz its mine! And then my momma got me a memory foam pillow. Its amazing! Then with my money I got, I bought:

a new phone,



I mean its no Sprint Instinct like I wish I would have, but its pretty cool!

a new ipod

It comes in the mail today!!!
Engraved on the back:
Coriney
Jeremiah 29:11

(thats my favorite verse. if you dont know it, look it up!)


a camera,



a video camera




and... well I think that's it actually. Oh and I bought like 3 shirts. YEE!

Well thats it for Christmas...

as if my week wasnt going bad enough...

My wallet got stolen... including:

-My social security card
-My Drivers license
-My prepaid visa card
-My $80 check
-and pretty much my whole life...

This sucks!

Umm...

I really hate it when people lie to me. I hate it when people sneak around. I think it bothers me so much because I can't lie or keep anything about myself a secret for very long, but that's how I can let people hold me accountable. Then I stay out of trouble. That's the way to go. Not lying and sneaking. That's never good, no matter how small you might think it is... It will never turn out good for you in the end... right?

Anger

I am very very very angry. I wish I could disappear for a while so I don't blow up on any innocent bystander that may cross my path. I have no idea why I feel like this, but it sucks. I am so flippin pissed off!!!

old...

I wrote this a while back when I was a little heated at a friends choices they were making... but I am sure I could benefit from reading this sometime when I mess up in the future...





Dont go running a muck doing whatever you feel like doing and then wonder what you dont "feel God anymore"

When you wanna turn to sin, God will let you. He isnt your little puppet master and runs your life for you. So dont blame God for the crap you got yourself into.

If you now you shouldnt do it because its gonna hurt later, dont do it.

If you know your going to get into trouble there, dont go.

If you know the difference between right and wrong, choose to do the right thing.

Dont try to justify your actions. It is what it is. You cat make it better.

Advice: Dont do it again. Its simple.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I woke up first thing this morning and all I can do it laugh... lol. That was odd...? Im not really sure what just happened but it was weird... HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Never Again...

Never ride in the back of a pick-up truck... lol

Today...

I slept in until 2 pm. I heard kids earlier, but I stayed in bed exhausted from the night before... Youth staff party... Yeah we party hard playing trivial pursuit 80s edition... I got 2 answers right, no one believed me, and then I officially hated the stupid game i never even wanted to play. haha fun times.



I woke up and tried to be all responsible and pay my car insurance... but I didnt have enough money on my card so I had to go put more money on it... LAME! So I after briefly chatting with April I was off to pick up Jocelyn and go to Wal-Mart.



When we got back to the house we watched tv, but then the boys came over thats when the real party started... lol. Josh and Eddie wanted to go to Kohls. I was reluctant to go because I wanted to be a bum all day, but I went anyway. We looked at all kinds of perfume and just messed around then Brendon wanted us to meet him at Smoothie King...



I had a wonderful Angel Food smoothie and then I had a slight dilemma: Who will I ride home with? I originally wanted to go with Brendon, but then I changed my mind and wanted to go with Josh. HE wouldn't open the doors so Jocelyn and I jumped in the back of the truck. He started driving and we layed down and before I knew it, we were stuck. IT was freezing and I was just praying to God that 1: He wouldnt get in a car accident and 2: NOT THE FREEWAY!!! haha. My prayers were answered and we made it home safely. My hands were so effing cold though.



Oh and later we wnt to:


I havent been there since I was a little kid.. well actually since camp in June, but before that it was a long time. They have yummy chili cheese fry burritos... Haha dont knock it till you try it! =]

Then way later Jocelyn got hecka mad because Monica and I said her hair looked like a mans comb-over hair-du! I almost peed my pants it was so funny! Nothing else happened. Oh except for watching funny youtube videos... stupid lady was singing and fell off the table... HECKA FUNNY!

I have to tell you, I am much in love with Beyonce's song "If I was a boy" The video is off the hook!



Oh well, much love,
Corine

Paper Route

So I need to make some extra money to save for my internship I'm going to in January 2010, so I'm trying to get a paper route.



When I get an opening, I will be making an extra 900 bucks a month. The internship is about 6000 dollars for 8 months in Colorado Springs at New Life Church (home of the Desperation Band!!!) I am super stoked for this and I know this is God's will for me and He will provide. ITs going to be amazing!

I love God!

=]

I CANT SLEEP!!!

AHHHHHHH!

lol

SO today...

Softball was good. We did a cheer and the kids are liking it, so Im pretty stoked about that. Then when I was taking the kids into do HW, I noticed something. THere was a girl writing on the classroom wall outside. I told my class to meet me at my classroom and I went to investigate.

As soon as I got to where the girl was at, she turned and looked at me in horror. She knew she was caught. She had written "Yeah I'm Cool" on the school wall. I held out my hand and asked "where did you get this?" She handed me a blue sharpie marker and replied, "I dont know."



Hard to believe. "get up, come with me," I said, "Now tell me, where did you get this." You see, the kids at the school arent allowed to have permanent markers at all for this exact reason: Vandalism. She replied, "I found it on the floor" And this is where the rest of the conversation went.



"Where?"

"I dont know."

"Where did you find the marker?"

"On the floor."

"What floor?"

"On the floor by the teachers desk"

"WHich teachers desk?"

"I dont know."

"You dont know which teachers desk?"

"I dont know"

"You dont know whose classroom you were in?"

"No"

(Walking toward the ASP office)

"Okay, last chance [inser name] where did you get the marker?"

"Umm I think it was your classroom, Miss Corine"


Our conversation ended and I explained to Gidget, my supervisor, and Denise, one of the school day teachers, what had happened. They explained to her that "vandalism" is a serious offense and that she would be getting suspended from program. She claimed, "I didnt know I wasnt supposed to do that!" Haha yeah right.

So I went to my class to meet my softball team to do homework. I little while goes by and i slowly start noticing more blue sharpie in my classroom. On the office supply cabinent there was the same phrase "YEah I rock" and then on the classroom name sign of Element there was blue writing that said "rocks"

I went to tell Gidget and when I get there, she was talking to this girls mom. I have know her since last year and her daughters and I were pretty close. I told her what I saw and they brought the girl back in to ask her about it. HEr mom asked her if she had written anywhere else besides the one place I had sen her. she said no. Then her mom asked her to think about it really hard. She still denied it.

I told her about the other two writings I found she said "I didnt do it! Why would I do something like that?" HEr mom: "I dont know [insert name], why would you write on the wall?"

Then she confessed. She said that she didnt write on the office supply cabinet, (lies), but she did confess to writing on my posters and my cds... WHAT THE HECK!? I didnt even know about that. It had to be God that I found her and put all the pieces together... lol



Then when I went back to my room to check out the damage. On my favorite Hawk Nelson poster that I had signed by the band, she had written: "He's Hot" with an arrow to JAson Dunn. Although I would agree with her statement, I was very disappointed that she chose to vandalize on my stuff. I mean it was one thing that she was writing on school property, but now it was personal.

She drew faces on other posters of mine that I had brought from home. Drew on some of the CDs I had on the wall. Drew on the light switch, the paper towell dispenser, and other random places throughout the room. Man. I would have expected this from there students, but Im cool with this kid. We get along great as far as I know, so why would she do this to my stuff?

I guess its just a middle school thing. I mean kids do things for no reason at all. They dont think before they act. This doesnt make her decision right, but I can see where she is coming from. But gosh, I still mad that she ruined my stuff. Very mad. Mad to the point that I want to ban her from my classroom forever. I wouldnt do that, but I want to! lol.

The is the price I pay for choosing to work with these little brats, but even though somtimes they drive me crazy and I wanna killem, at the end of the day I love these kids and the sacrifice is worth it.

=]

Apparently I do have painting skills...

Or at least I think I do... I can paint a pretty mean straight edge... Tape is for weenies! lol. I didnt finish painting because there is so much clutter in the bathroom right now that I cant reach everywhere. LAME! ITs driving me crazy because I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I cant finish it now. !!!!



THis paint is similar to the color the bathroom is now... YEE!

Later!

Last Day of Speech Class

So today was my last day of Class. I can say that I have now completed one college class! Sounds lame I'm sure, but I have quit every time I have gone, and this is the first time I stuck it through.

So remember a few blogs back where I wrote about the speech I was planning on doing for my persuasive speech? Yeah, I got my outline back today and it was my one and only "A" on a speech I got. On the delivery I got 19/20 and the outline I got a 19.5/20. Go me!

Im hecka glad I let April talk me into doing that topic and for not letting me quit the class a couple weeks when I wanted to... YEE!

Here is the outline:

Persuasive Speech
I. Introduction
A. Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Scientology… There are so many religions out there, how can anyone make a decision on what religion to be? How can anyone know what religion is right for them? I can’t answer that question for you today, but I can tell you where I stand. I am not about religion. My whole life is about relationships; Relationship with God through Jesus, and relationship with people.
B. Today, I want to persuade you to start a relationship with Jesus
C. When I was 16 years old, I started my relationship with Jesus as a broken and hurting teenager. I was into a lot of bad stuff and I was headed downhill fast. I was depressed and lonely with no hope for my future. When I gave my life to Christ my whole world was turned upside down. I came to God as I was. I didn’t have to “fix myself” or “get better” before I came to God like I thought in the past. I couldn’t do it myself. I had been trying my whole life and it just never worked out. Starting my relationship with Jesus didn’t make my life perfect or easier, but it was different. I had something to hope for. My happiness was no longer circumstantial because I experienced the love of God.
D. The purpose of my speech is to inform you all of the life changing power and love that comes through a relationship with Jesus.
E. Today I’m going to cover 1: the History of Jesus, 2: Why you should start a relationship with Him, 3: If you choose to, how to have relationship with Jesus.
II. BODY
First, let me tell His story
A. The history of Jesus
1. Most people know the Christmas story about the birth of Jesus from the Virgin Mary, but there is so much more to His story. You can find the history of Jesus in the first four books of the New Testament that are known as the Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
2. Jesus was the Son of God of God in the flesh: 100% God and 100% man.
3. Jesus lived a sin-less life teaching people about Heaven, Hell, and God; and he also performed many miracles and healings.
4. According to the book of John, Chapter 19, Jesus’ claims to be God in the flesh caused him to be flogged (whipped 39 times with glass and leather) and later crucified.
5. Died and rose on third day…overcame death, and he is coming back.
Now that you know who Jesus is, let me tell you why you would want to know him:
B. Why should I have a relationship with Jesus?
1. HEAVEN: Can being a “good person get you into heaven?
2. Nobody’s “good” or perfect: Romans 3:23: “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of Gods glorious standard.”
3. Sin = separation from God; DRAW DIAGRAM
4. “wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23 the punishment for even just one din is death, but God had Jesus take out place because he didn’t have sin.
5. John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
6. Jesus has a plan for your life: Jeremiah 29:11-13 : “For I know the plan I have for you, says the lord, They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. IF you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.”
This leads me to my final point today:
C. How can I have a relationship with Jesus?
1. PRAY to God. If you believe that he died on the cross for your sin, in your place, and rose again on the third day, just tell him. Praying is simply talking to God, just as you would talk to a close friend.
2. Repent: turn away from your sin and turn to God. Ask God to forgive you for your sins. 1 John 1:9 “…if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”
3. Read the Holy Bible. This is one way God communicates with you.
4. Find a good bible-believing church and get connected with other Christ-followers that can encourage you in your faith.
In Conclusion
III. Conclusion
A. There are many religions out there, but religion has never done anything for me. My life was transformed when I met Jesus and started my relationship with Him about 4 years ago.
B. Today I told you about this Jesus of mine, why you would want to have relationship with him, and how to go about having a relationship with God like I have if you so choose.
C. I can’t promise you that having Jesus in your life will make your life easier. Life will always be a constant battle everyday, but I can promise you that you don’t have to live your life in bondage. You can live a free life with God through Jesus. You don’t have to become another victim of whatever curse may be in your family, whether it is addictions, promiscuity, violence, anger, depression, or even suicide… You don’t have to end up the way you felt life has been dealt to you. Your family tree can have a fresh start right now through Jesus, and the generations that are to come after you could live a free life through Jesus.
D. Let me end with a quote from my favorite band called The Wedding:

“If you let go and just believe
You won't make a liar out of me
Come try and show me what you see
What I have is what you need”



Okay so maybe the outline format is a little confusing to read, but you can get the idea. I was so stoked today! I have been having amazing days all week!


d00d... Im going to take a creative writing class next semester. I'm not sure what I need to do to take it, but I think Im going to love it! I still gotta pay 60 bucks for my last class.

So everything has been going smoothly except for the fact that I can't sleep at night. I dont know what my problem is. I lay in bed for hours and then my mind just wont shut off. I dont know what it is. I had a very small cup of coffee at work around 2pm. I ate dinner at like 7:30. I still cant go to sleep and now it is 1:37 am. AHHH!

Tomorrow I am painting the bathroom... Yeah the bathroom that Ken just put new tile in... and now I have the joy of painting the walls and NOT getting paint on the new tile... Umm? no pressure right? haha. Who does that though... really? Put the new tile in and then paint the walls? Well thats the game plan for tomorrow. I gotta get up bright and early 7am and get started. I dont think I have painting skills, but I guess Ill find out in the morning. I hope I dont screw anything up too badly... =[

Well Im off to do other non sleeping activities until I pass out. Bye.

Kay...

Numero Uno: I want the bathroom to be done... =[

Two: I love coaching softball...

Three: I love Jesus

Oh and apparently I need to work on hiding my frustration or emotions or whatever... I'm too easy to read? Gosh, I guess I'm too honest. I'm not fake... Oh well I'm working on it...

=]

Good day.

Oh and my ipod broke...

=[

It says it currupt and I cant add any music to it or take it off. The only way to fix it is to erase all my stuff on it and start over. Its still plays though So im thinking ill just get a new ipod and add new music to it and keep the old one the way it is...

oh well..

=]

Persuasive Speech: Jesus Christ

So today was a good day. I went to work and coached softball... I effing love it! So much fun! I love these stinkin kids to death! =]



Then I was off to class. I did my persuasive speech on starting a relationship with Jesus. AMAZING! It went really well. I mean, I didnt have the whole class flooding the alter to receive Christ, but I know God is going to use what I said to plan seeds in their hearts and grow them. ITs so cool. Im just hecka juiced... =]

I go to college...

So this is my third time trying to go to college and usually right about this time I quit. Right now I have 2 more classes to go to so I just decided to stick this one out. The only class I am taking right now is speech. It comes naturally to me to get in front of people and talk so I love the class.

My final speech is a persuasive speech. I have gone back and forth over and over trying to decide what to do my speech on. I have never had such a hard time trying to find something to write about. I couldn't stop thinking about doing a suicide prevention speech... almost like trying to convince someone not to commit suicide... I didn't know why I kept feeling like that.



Then I was going to do one for purity. Like why to wait to have sex until marriage. That was good, but then when I was talking to April about it, she made a good point... That I have 8 minutes to get in front of a whole class of people and say whatever I want, so why don't I persuade them to follow Christ?

Wow, I never thought about it like that. Really, I have this great opportunity to share my faith with all these people at one time... WOW. So then I thought about it and it scared me to death. I didn't think I could do it. Then I finally sat down to write it all out. Bad idea. I had nothing. I didn't even know where to begin and then I started thinking of all the reasons not to do it.

I didnt know what day I was assigned to do my speech, so I just ended up going to class with nothing, hoping that I had been assigned for the next week. If I had been assigned tonight, I would just take the F and get over it. I still had a good chance of getting a good grade anyway.

I got to class and sat there with a major headache. My first day back to the real life of work and school I decided to go caffeine free? BAD IDEA! Not really my choice, but I'm broke so yeah... lol.

During the break the teacher took me aside to talk to me. Long story short, he said no matter what Ill have a solid B in the class and that it didn't matter if I did the persuasive speech or not. HE said he wanted to give me a break, but if I wanted to do it then I could.

That gave me a lot to think about. That is the easy way out. Now I had a reason no to do my speech about Jesus because I didn't have to. It wasn't going to affect my grade anyways so I shouldn't do it... But then it hit me...

That was the enemy trying to get me not to do it. That's a confirmation that I AM supposed to be doing this speech. Something is going to happen. I don't care what those people in my class might think of me, I'm going for it. I have the opportunity to possibly change these peoples lives.



Now I just gotta be praying up and seeking God in what I need to say to these people. Pressure... yes. But I can do it. God wants me to do it, and he will be with me. I'm curious to see what kind of testimony will come from this. I know its gonna be good.

Oh yeah... I'm scared...