I'm in trouble
I'm an addict
I'm addicted to this girl
She's got my heart tied in a knot
And my stomach in a whirl
But even worse
I can't stop calling her
She's all I want and more
I mean damn
What's not to adore?
I've been playing too much games
I, I've been listening to jazz
I called so many times
I swear she's going mad
And that cellular will be the death of us
I swear, I swear
And oh
O-oh, o-oh, o-ooh
Ooooh
I'm running my mouth
Just like I got her
But I surely don't
Because she's so
O-oh, o-oh, o-ooh
Rock 'n roll
And out of my league
Is she out of my league?
Let's hope not
I'm in trouble
I'm so cliché
See that word just wears me out
Makes me feel like just another boy
To laugh and joke about
But even worse
I can't stop calling her
I love to hear that voice
And honestly
I'm left with no choice
I've been playing too much games
I, I've been listening to jazz
I called so many times
I swear she's going mad
And that cellular will be the death of us
I swear, I swear
And oh
O-oh, o-oh, o-ooh
Ooooh
I'm running my mouth
Just like I got her
But I surely don't
Because she's so
O-oh, o-oh, o-ooh
Rock 'n roll
And out of my league
Is she out of my league?
Let's hope not
And oh
O-oh, o-oh, o-ooh
Ooooh, oooh
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I am building a wall
I am Building a Wall
I am building a wall
Brick after brick I begin to lay
For everything you refuse to say
I want so much to let you in
I tried it once I’ll try again
But for now I am building a wall
How can I know what you don’t speak?
Each arrow shot inside me makes me weak
Inside the wall you can see me
But I cant see you how can it be?
My wall will keep all the hurt away
But if you can get in I’ll let you stay
I put the wall up for my own sake
These hurts from this I cannot take
I am building a wall
I care so much I cannot take it
You have my heart so please don’t break it
Its too late now to take it back
Your actions make up for the words they you lack
I know deep down you’ll always be there
But Ill never understand how much or why you care
Ill never give up on you Ill do it everyday
Ill lay down my pride and put it away
Ill take every snap, crack, break in my heart
Ill take every brick from this wall apart
Ill be here waiting until the very end
You’re wall will come down too it is starting to bend
Anything for you, you are my best friend
I cannot build this wall
I am building a wall
Brick after brick I begin to lay
For everything you refuse to say
I want so much to let you in
I tried it once I’ll try again
But for now I am building a wall
How can I know what you don’t speak?
Each arrow shot inside me makes me weak
Inside the wall you can see me
But I cant see you how can it be?
My wall will keep all the hurt away
But if you can get in I’ll let you stay
I put the wall up for my own sake
These hurts from this I cannot take
I am building a wall
I care so much I cannot take it
You have my heart so please don’t break it
Its too late now to take it back
Your actions make up for the words they you lack
I know deep down you’ll always be there
But Ill never understand how much or why you care
Ill never give up on you Ill do it everyday
Ill lay down my pride and put it away
Ill take every snap, crack, break in my heart
Ill take every brick from this wall apart
Ill be here waiting until the very end
You’re wall will come down too it is starting to bend
Anything for you, you are my best friend
I cannot build this wall
Monday, May 4, 2009
Not so Good
Well I guess it wasn’t very fair for me to say what I have said without an explanation. Here is the low down.
I moved out of my mom’s house last may and I lived with my favorite people in the world for about a year and it was great. I knew it was great the whole time, but now I appreciate it even more knowing what I am now missing.
I moved back in with my mom a few weeks ago. Its not my ideal place to live, but it pretty much is my only option. For one… I’m living off of about $700 a month and barely making it on that not paying any rent… and also, even if I could find a way to earn more money, I don’t have any girl-friends that I could room with. I have no friends my own age or in the same place I am in life to be able to have a roommate.
When I first was going to move home, I wasn’t worried about it. I thought about how it should be easy. I thought since I was hardly ever home when I lived in Brentwood, it shouldn’t be hard living here when I would never have to see anyone, but people in this house live on a different schedule. Even right now, its midnight on a Monday morning and my moms boyfriend is right outside of my room in the hallway building and installing a latter to the attic. He just sawed out the ceiling in the hall and it making it all up as he goes. I really wish I could be sleeping right now, but the noise is too much. It is even annoying me through the ipod playing full blast in my ears.
When I knew I would be back here, I forgot about all of the reason I had left. The mood swings, the fights, the drugs, the messy house that never can be cleaned, the bugs, the put-downs, and just the darkness in this house. It is just depressing. Watching my mom and her boyfriend be up all hours for a day and then sleep straight for two only coming out of the room for food.
Most of this I can deal with. I have for my whole life. I had never known anything else until a year ago. This kind of living is not normal and I don’t have to live like this, but in the point of time, it is my only option.
Above all else that I hate here is the put-downs I have to hear every single day. They bring me back to a dark place in my life. Day after day I hear over and over again how horrible I am. I am criticized for the way I look, for the way I spend my time, and even for just being around. I have to hear things that cut deep and hurt me more than anything. I don’t get mad and fight back like I used to. I just can’t. I just take it in, get hurt and then I suffer in silence.
As if I don’t have enough issues with my own thought life and my own internal struggles with knowing truth and lies, I now have these vocalized and spoken into my life:
“Don’t get comfortable here. You don’t live here anymore. Go get a better job so you can move out.”
Why’d they kick you out anyway? You must have done something to deserve this. If they really cared about you, they wouldn’t have kicked you out. What’d you do fatass, eat all of their food?”
“ Don’t unpack your shit, Ill help you get it out of here. You need me to pick up your desk? Its not coming here. You’re not coming here.”
All of this and more is what I have to hear anytime I am in this house. Its all really starting to get to me, and I don’t know what to do. Even though I know that none of this is true and I shouldnt let it get to me, it still does. Its just onje attack after the other.
All day today, just tears. Even in church I couldn’t get it together to enjoy the time out of the house. During praise and worship I was just trying to worship like Pastor has been teaching us about, but I couldn’t. I was trying to say the words and mean them, but all I got was tears. I had to run out because I knew I was gonna lose it and maybe not be able to get it together.
I know God loves me, but after hearing so much crap, it’s hard to focus. Then when I was crying, my tears of sadness, it was obvious that I wasn’t magnifying God, I was magnifying my issues. Then I was messing up again, and feeling like everything I did was messed up.
Im not one to fake it. I just cant. I’m going through it right now, but my life isn’t a story of doom and gloom. It’s a story of life, love, victory, and hope. I can honestly say that I am right now closer to God than I have ever been. Its been really good the past couple weeks, but now its fizzling down. Right now I am being refined in the fire and when its all said and done, I will be purified. This is all going to play in to the bigger picture of what my life is and will ultimately be turned into good, so I really am not trippin. It really is just a pain in the butt going through this. It sucks. He sad times are just not for me and I want them to be done and over with. I don’t want anymore tears, but even as I type, more build up.
I moved out of my mom’s house last may and I lived with my favorite people in the world for about a year and it was great. I knew it was great the whole time, but now I appreciate it even more knowing what I am now missing.
I moved back in with my mom a few weeks ago. Its not my ideal place to live, but it pretty much is my only option. For one… I’m living off of about $700 a month and barely making it on that not paying any rent… and also, even if I could find a way to earn more money, I don’t have any girl-friends that I could room with. I have no friends my own age or in the same place I am in life to be able to have a roommate.
When I first was going to move home, I wasn’t worried about it. I thought about how it should be easy. I thought since I was hardly ever home when I lived in Brentwood, it shouldn’t be hard living here when I would never have to see anyone, but people in this house live on a different schedule. Even right now, its midnight on a Monday morning and my moms boyfriend is right outside of my room in the hallway building and installing a latter to the attic. He just sawed out the ceiling in the hall and it making it all up as he goes. I really wish I could be sleeping right now, but the noise is too much. It is even annoying me through the ipod playing full blast in my ears.
When I knew I would be back here, I forgot about all of the reason I had left. The mood swings, the fights, the drugs, the messy house that never can be cleaned, the bugs, the put-downs, and just the darkness in this house. It is just depressing. Watching my mom and her boyfriend be up all hours for a day and then sleep straight for two only coming out of the room for food.
Most of this I can deal with. I have for my whole life. I had never known anything else until a year ago. This kind of living is not normal and I don’t have to live like this, but in the point of time, it is my only option.
Above all else that I hate here is the put-downs I have to hear every single day. They bring me back to a dark place in my life. Day after day I hear over and over again how horrible I am. I am criticized for the way I look, for the way I spend my time, and even for just being around. I have to hear things that cut deep and hurt me more than anything. I don’t get mad and fight back like I used to. I just can’t. I just take it in, get hurt and then I suffer in silence.
As if I don’t have enough issues with my own thought life and my own internal struggles with knowing truth and lies, I now have these vocalized and spoken into my life:
“Don’t get comfortable here. You don’t live here anymore. Go get a better job so you can move out.”
Why’d they kick you out anyway? You must have done something to deserve this. If they really cared about you, they wouldn’t have kicked you out. What’d you do fatass, eat all of their food?”
“ Don’t unpack your shit, Ill help you get it out of here. You need me to pick up your desk? Its not coming here. You’re not coming here.”
All of this and more is what I have to hear anytime I am in this house. Its all really starting to get to me, and I don’t know what to do. Even though I know that none of this is true and I shouldnt let it get to me, it still does. Its just onje attack after the other.
All day today, just tears. Even in church I couldn’t get it together to enjoy the time out of the house. During praise and worship I was just trying to worship like Pastor has been teaching us about, but I couldn’t. I was trying to say the words and mean them, but all I got was tears. I had to run out because I knew I was gonna lose it and maybe not be able to get it together.
I know God loves me, but after hearing so much crap, it’s hard to focus. Then when I was crying, my tears of sadness, it was obvious that I wasn’t magnifying God, I was magnifying my issues. Then I was messing up again, and feeling like everything I did was messed up.
Im not one to fake it. I just cant. I’m going through it right now, but my life isn’t a story of doom and gloom. It’s a story of life, love, victory, and hope. I can honestly say that I am right now closer to God than I have ever been. Its been really good the past couple weeks, but now its fizzling down. Right now I am being refined in the fire and when its all said and done, I will be purified. This is all going to play in to the bigger picture of what my life is and will ultimately be turned into good, so I really am not trippin. It really is just a pain in the butt going through this. It sucks. He sad times are just not for me and I want them to be done and over with. I don’t want anymore tears, but even as I type, more build up.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
It took fire to purify us, what didnt burn is what remains
From where I was to where I am... This is my real life. True story.
I lost my dad to drug and alcohol addiction that lead to suicide.
I thought I was destined to do the same.
I felt abandoned and alone. No hope.
I started smoking pot and drinking alcohol at age 11.
I lived in a family of 5, but my home was always empty.
Started self-harm in 7th grade by cutting.
Found a place to "belong" with older friends that were into drinking, drugs, and sex.
Moved away from all my friends and depression increased.
Struggled with Porn, yeah guys dont only struggle with this.
Headed for Hell, and I didnt care.
AND THEN I MET JESUS CHRIST!
Now I have a dad through relationship with my perfect heavenly father.
I have a new destiny with Christ. The family curses end, and new legacy with Christ begins with me.
I am not alone. I have meaningful relationships through my church family. God have a plan for my future, so I have a hope.
I havent smoked or drank in over 4 years.
I have multiple places I can call home.
I havent cut in over 5 years.
I have a set of BEST FRIENDS that encourage me and help point me toward Christ.
I have freedom through Christ and forgiveness that I receive and give out.
I am living a life of purity as a lifestyle and not a line.
I headed to Heaven and Im taking as many people as I can with me!!!
This is the reason that I love my Jesus as I do. Even when I was lost and at my lowest of lows, he still loved me. Even when I couldnt care less about God, I was always on his mind. Even when I cursed his name and mocked him by living in sin and deserved to die, he took my place and died for me. He laid down his life for me.
I am not a religious person, I just love my God and I want to live my life for Him who gave His life for me.
I love my Jesus!
I lost my dad to drug and alcohol addiction that lead to suicide.
I thought I was destined to do the same.
I felt abandoned and alone. No hope.
I started smoking pot and drinking alcohol at age 11.
I lived in a family of 5, but my home was always empty.
Started self-harm in 7th grade by cutting.
Found a place to "belong" with older friends that were into drinking, drugs, and sex.
Moved away from all my friends and depression increased.
Struggled with Porn, yeah guys dont only struggle with this.
Headed for Hell, and I didnt care.
AND THEN I MET JESUS CHRIST!
Now I have a dad through relationship with my perfect heavenly father.
I have a new destiny with Christ. The family curses end, and new legacy with Christ begins with me.
I am not alone. I have meaningful relationships through my church family. God have a plan for my future, so I have a hope.
I havent smoked or drank in over 4 years.
I have multiple places I can call home.
I havent cut in over 5 years.
I have a set of BEST FRIENDS that encourage me and help point me toward Christ.
I have freedom through Christ and forgiveness that I receive and give out.
I am living a life of purity as a lifestyle and not a line.
I headed to Heaven and Im taking as many people as I can with me!!!
This is the reason that I love my Jesus as I do. Even when I was lost and at my lowest of lows, he still loved me. Even when I couldnt care less about God, I was always on his mind. Even when I cursed his name and mocked him by living in sin and deserved to die, he took my place and died for me. He laid down his life for me.
I am not a religious person, I just love my God and I want to live my life for Him who gave His life for me.
I love my Jesus!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Cupcakes
Today I went to work... Gidget laughed and stuff almost came out of her nose... I hung out with my favorite kids in the whole world... They said they had FUN today, and that made me really happy because I love them.
I drove to my moms house and helped her clean up a little bit. I watched some TV: One hit wonders of the 80s. Then I came home pretty late, sometime after 11.
I opened the front door and I heard a voice say: "Ive been waiting up for you.." I was like "what the..." And then I saw April in the kitchen with like fifty eleven cupcakes everywhere and she was decorating them. I offered to help her with what was left of them and it was good times. Now she owes me a movie night! I chopped it up with my favorite person in the whole world for a long time (April) and now its time for bed. Or I as I told April, its time for "room" because Im not going to sleep yet. Imma read more of my twilight series: Eclipse book.
Can you say "GOOD DAY!" ???
YES!
=]
I drove to my moms house and helped her clean up a little bit. I watched some TV: One hit wonders of the 80s. Then I came home pretty late, sometime after 11.
I opened the front door and I heard a voice say: "Ive been waiting up for you.." I was like "what the..." And then I saw April in the kitchen with like fifty eleven cupcakes everywhere and she was decorating them. I offered to help her with what was left of them and it was good times. Now she owes me a movie night! I chopped it up with my favorite person in the whole world for a long time (April) and now its time for bed. Or I as I told April, its time for "room" because Im not going to sleep yet. Imma read more of my twilight series: Eclipse book.
Can you say "GOOD DAY!" ???
YES!
=]
Monday, March 30, 2009
Ahhhhhh!
i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you!!!
That's all
That's all
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Gotta get this off my chest
Here are some words of advice if you want to get along with me...
"I don't care how much you know, until I know how much you care."
This statement pretty much sums me up. I really don't give a rip about what you think about me or what you think is wrong with me unless I know you care. Don't waste your or my time telling me what I am doing wrong or trying to change me unless your sure that I know you care about me.
Pretty much I've heard about these 5 languages of love and have found them to be true for all people. They are the ways that people could either give or receive love.
1. Physical Touch
2. Quality Time
3. Words of affirmation
4. Gifts
5. Acts of service
I understand and value each of these, but there is one that really means a lot to me and without it, the others mean nothing to me. That one would be QUALITY TIME. I will know that someone really cares about me if they just spend some time with me. Just talk to me. On the flip side of that, if someone doesn't do these things then everything else means nothing. If you tell me you love me, but don't spend any time with me, then your words are just empty.
The people I am closest to and love with all of my heart are the people who I know care about me because they spend time with me. For example, I really really REALLY cherish any time I get to spend with April because when I do get that opportunity... I don't know. I just love any time I get to just talk to her. Anytime I have come home and she sees me, she will ask me how my day was. Just check in with me and talk to me. I never had that growing up, so even when I don't say much, she still talks with me. Now I look forward to the times when I walk in the door and she is there, because I know she is going to ask me about my day. This little tiny thing tells me that April loves me, when I am sure she thinks nothing of it because its just natural for her.
I had meltdown this week. I got really pissed off because there are a lot of people who I used to be close with, but I never talk to them now. People I see all the time, but never REALLY TALK to. I understand people are busy and stuff, but I just wish people would understand that a relationship can be anything you want it to be. IF you don't invest in it, it will fade and if you do then it will blossom. I don't get how people can never spend time with me and then expect for us to be best friends...?
OUCH!!! Conviction is starting!
So even right now, as I am writing this I fee like a JERK! I am such a hypocrite! Yeah my feelings are valid, but what I don't like to be don't to me, I do to someone every single day!!! WOW! I haven't been spending time with my Jesus like I used to... God is showing me something RIGHT NOW! How can I expect to have relationship with God if I don't spend time with Him!? No doubt my feelings are kinda hurt, but I cant imagine how I have made God feel by ignoring him and just worrying about my own self-absorbed issues. I need to get over myself, Forgive those who have hurt me, and go repent for my sin. WOW!
Now I'm off to go spend time with my Jesus!
-Corine
"I don't care how much you know, until I know how much you care."
This statement pretty much sums me up. I really don't give a rip about what you think about me or what you think is wrong with me unless I know you care. Don't waste your or my time telling me what I am doing wrong or trying to change me unless your sure that I know you care about me.
Pretty much I've heard about these 5 languages of love and have found them to be true for all people. They are the ways that people could either give or receive love.
1. Physical Touch
2. Quality Time
3. Words of affirmation
4. Gifts
5. Acts of service
I understand and value each of these, but there is one that really means a lot to me and without it, the others mean nothing to me. That one would be QUALITY TIME. I will know that someone really cares about me if they just spend some time with me. Just talk to me. On the flip side of that, if someone doesn't do these things then everything else means nothing. If you tell me you love me, but don't spend any time with me, then your words are just empty.
The people I am closest to and love with all of my heart are the people who I know care about me because they spend time with me. For example, I really really REALLY cherish any time I get to spend with April because when I do get that opportunity... I don't know. I just love any time I get to just talk to her. Anytime I have come home and she sees me, she will ask me how my day was. Just check in with me and talk to me. I never had that growing up, so even when I don't say much, she still talks with me. Now I look forward to the times when I walk in the door and she is there, because I know she is going to ask me about my day. This little tiny thing tells me that April loves me, when I am sure she thinks nothing of it because its just natural for her.
I had meltdown this week. I got really pissed off because there are a lot of people who I used to be close with, but I never talk to them now. People I see all the time, but never REALLY TALK to. I understand people are busy and stuff, but I just wish people would understand that a relationship can be anything you want it to be. IF you don't invest in it, it will fade and if you do then it will blossom. I don't get how people can never spend time with me and then expect for us to be best friends...?
OUCH!!! Conviction is starting!
So even right now, as I am writing this I fee like a JERK! I am such a hypocrite! Yeah my feelings are valid, but what I don't like to be don't to me, I do to someone every single day!!! WOW! I haven't been spending time with my Jesus like I used to... God is showing me something RIGHT NOW! How can I expect to have relationship with God if I don't spend time with Him!? No doubt my feelings are kinda hurt, but I cant imagine how I have made God feel by ignoring him and just worrying about my own self-absorbed issues. I need to get over myself, Forgive those who have hurt me, and go repent for my sin. WOW!
Now I'm off to go spend time with my Jesus!
-Corine
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
FIRSTS
1. Who was your FIRST prom date? Nathan
2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? haha who would that be?
3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? Hmm... cinnimon snops in 7th grade
4. What was your FIRST job? Pizza Hut
5. What was your FIRST car? 1987 Chrysler Fifth Avenue
6. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Mrs. Cox
7. What was your FIRST adult job? C.A.R.E.S.
8. What town did you FIRST live in when you moved away from your parent's for the first time? Brentwood
9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? Las Vegas with my parents
10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk to them? best friend eh? Probably Chris and no.
11. Where was your FIRST sleep over? Cait Hudson
12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? Hannah
13. The first wedding were you in the FIRST time? My cousin's wedding
14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? check my phone
15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? Blink 182
16. FIRST tattoo? Never had one
17. FIRST piercing? ears
18. FIRST foreign country you've been to? Mexico
19. FIRST movie you remember seeing? I dont flippin know
20. When was your FIRST detention? wow... idk
21. What was the FIRST state you lived in? California
22. Who was your FIRST roommate? none
23. If you had one wish what would it be? ehhh... world peace. lol
24. What is something you would learn if you had the chance? idk...
2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? haha who would that be?
3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? Hmm... cinnimon snops in 7th grade
4. What was your FIRST job? Pizza Hut
5. What was your FIRST car? 1987 Chrysler Fifth Avenue
6. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Mrs. Cox
7. What was your FIRST adult job? C.A.R.E.S.
8. What town did you FIRST live in when you moved away from your parent's for the first time? Brentwood
9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? Las Vegas with my parents
10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk to them? best friend eh? Probably Chris and no.
11. Where was your FIRST sleep over? Cait Hudson
12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? Hannah
13. The first wedding were you in the FIRST time? My cousin's wedding
14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? check my phone
15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? Blink 182
16. FIRST tattoo? Never had one
17. FIRST piercing? ears
18. FIRST foreign country you've been to? Mexico
19. FIRST movie you remember seeing? I dont flippin know
20. When was your FIRST detention? wow... idk
21. What was the FIRST state you lived in? California
22. Who was your FIRST roommate? none
23. If you had one wish what would it be? ehhh... world peace. lol
24. What is something you would learn if you had the chance? idk...
Saturday, March 14, 2009
HMMMM...
So I have a lot on my mind...
I am dreading the days that are to come, but I am trying to enjoy each day while it lasts. Its hard for me not to just dwell on whats coming up because all I want to feel is depressed and sorry for myself. This is a whole thing I don't wanna get into right now because I don't even want to think about it...
I feel so stupid sometimes. I have such a paralyzing fear of rejection that I cant just be myself and say whats on my mind... but there's a catch. The people that I trust and love more than anyone, I cant be myself around. I am just so scared of what would ever happen if I get rejected by them. Its weird.. Like there are some people that I am close with that I could come up to anytime and give a hug, but the people that I favor, I never would be able to do that. Its stupid, but I cant even start or finish a conversation. It just like "yeah... uh huh... yup..." When really I have a million things running though my mind to say, but dont wanna risk rejection.
Then there are other people that know me better than anyone, but thats cuz I dont give a rip what they thing about me. its crazy. I dont know how to fix it... Its just a God thing I guess.
I've been kinda lost lately. Not so much doing things I know I shouldn't do, but not doing things I know I should be doing. I've pretty much been a slacker and it is really taking a toll on me. People are starting to see it too, so I need to step up my game.
Despite all of the drama at work, things are looking up. I have loved coaching softball, but I am glad it is finally over. We went undefeated into the championship and lost to a team that didn't deserve to win, but hey, I know we played fair and we did our best. We didn't cheat, so I'm happy with how my team has done. They have come such a long way from day one.
I get my class back on Monday!!! I love having them back because then I can really focus on building relationships with my kids and I am also really glad that I get to keep a lot of my softball kids that I adore! Its gonna be great!
I love God with all of my heart, but I think I need a little help living our His love everyday. Ive been kinda failing at it lately and it shows. It really scares me but Ilve always known it: I am always just one choice away from turning away from God. It just takes one choice, one time, and its back to square one. I know its not worth it, but its always there. Either I am for God, or I am against Him. I hope I can just make him proud.
I am dreading the days that are to come, but I am trying to enjoy each day while it lasts. Its hard for me not to just dwell on whats coming up because all I want to feel is depressed and sorry for myself. This is a whole thing I don't wanna get into right now because I don't even want to think about it...
I feel so stupid sometimes. I have such a paralyzing fear of rejection that I cant just be myself and say whats on my mind... but there's a catch. The people that I trust and love more than anyone, I cant be myself around. I am just so scared of what would ever happen if I get rejected by them. Its weird.. Like there are some people that I am close with that I could come up to anytime and give a hug, but the people that I favor, I never would be able to do that. Its stupid, but I cant even start or finish a conversation. It just like "yeah... uh huh... yup..." When really I have a million things running though my mind to say, but dont wanna risk rejection.
Then there are other people that know me better than anyone, but thats cuz I dont give a rip what they thing about me. its crazy. I dont know how to fix it... Its just a God thing I guess.
I've been kinda lost lately. Not so much doing things I know I shouldn't do, but not doing things I know I should be doing. I've pretty much been a slacker and it is really taking a toll on me. People are starting to see it too, so I need to step up my game.
Despite all of the drama at work, things are looking up. I have loved coaching softball, but I am glad it is finally over. We went undefeated into the championship and lost to a team that didn't deserve to win, but hey, I know we played fair and we did our best. We didn't cheat, so I'm happy with how my team has done. They have come such a long way from day one.
I get my class back on Monday!!! I love having them back because then I can really focus on building relationships with my kids and I am also really glad that I get to keep a lot of my softball kids that I adore! Its gonna be great!
I love God with all of my heart, but I think I need a little help living our His love everyday. Ive been kinda failing at it lately and it shows. It really scares me but Ilve always known it: I am always just one choice away from turning away from God. It just takes one choice, one time, and its back to square one. I know its not worth it, but its always there. Either I am for God, or I am against Him. I hope I can just make him proud.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Sober House
So lately my guilty pleasure has been to watch Sober House on VH1. I feel like I have to sneak around to watch it 1, because it is blocked from the TV and I have to put in the code, and 2, since the only TV here I can access is the ginormous TV downstairs I NEVER get a chance to just watch TV unless it is hecca late at night.
I really like this show. For those of you that don't know what it is, Sober house is a continuation of Celebrity Rehab. The celebrities went into a Sober living house and the show documents their journey to sobriety. From watching the show, you cant help but feel with each celebrity as they struggle to stay sober. They have to make the choice each day to whether or not they will stay sober. They have to make the choice every single day to stay sober. ITs not easy Im sure. They probablly think about quitting everyday. Maybe even to just give in just one more time. But is it worth the cost? One slip up and they are back to square one...
When I was watching the show this week, I saw how much this show can show me about my walk with God. Every single day, I have to make the choice: to be a Christ-follower or to stray. I have to count the cost everyday. Some days I have thoughts to give up, to quit, and to turn back to the world. But then I think about the cost. Even more than what it would cost me in this world: the people I would let down, the pain I would bring to so many people, the pain I would bring to God, and then the pain of having to start all over, I could possibly be compromising my eternity. Each day is a choice between life and death. I want to choose life.
Jesus said: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) Jesus wants you to choose life. He wants you to choose him and He will give you life. Im not saying that your life will be easy, but you can have abundant life with Jesus. The thief, Satan, will do anything he can to get you away from God. When you have doubts and feelings of defeat, turn to God. Praise God for who he is and be thankful for what you have. Also, never forget where you have come from and how far God has brought you. "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (phillipians 1:6) When I think about where God has brought me and where he is calling me out to be, I never want to give up. It really helps to know that God is with me.
Well Im praying for you guys and I hope all is well. If you have any prayer requests or just wanna chop it up, shoot me a line bluud! I love you guys!
Corine
I really like this show. For those of you that don't know what it is, Sober house is a continuation of Celebrity Rehab. The celebrities went into a Sober living house and the show documents their journey to sobriety. From watching the show, you cant help but feel with each celebrity as they struggle to stay sober. They have to make the choice each day to whether or not they will stay sober. They have to make the choice every single day to stay sober. ITs not easy Im sure. They probablly think about quitting everyday. Maybe even to just give in just one more time. But is it worth the cost? One slip up and they are back to square one...
When I was watching the show this week, I saw how much this show can show me about my walk with God. Every single day, I have to make the choice: to be a Christ-follower or to stray. I have to count the cost everyday. Some days I have thoughts to give up, to quit, and to turn back to the world. But then I think about the cost. Even more than what it would cost me in this world: the people I would let down, the pain I would bring to so many people, the pain I would bring to God, and then the pain of having to start all over, I could possibly be compromising my eternity. Each day is a choice between life and death. I want to choose life.
Jesus said: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) Jesus wants you to choose life. He wants you to choose him and He will give you life. Im not saying that your life will be easy, but you can have abundant life with Jesus. The thief, Satan, will do anything he can to get you away from God. When you have doubts and feelings of defeat, turn to God. Praise God for who he is and be thankful for what you have. Also, never forget where you have come from and how far God has brought you. "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (phillipians 1:6) When I think about where God has brought me and where he is calling me out to be, I never want to give up. It really helps to know that God is with me.
Well Im praying for you guys and I hope all is well. If you have any prayer requests or just wanna chop it up, shoot me a line bluud! I love you guys!
Corine
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Should I get an abortion?
Way too many people are asking themselves this question. People need to know what abortions are all about.
I am not another "religious" person that's just being radical and over-reacting. I heart is broken for these babies being killed everyday.
Today April got to have baby Ella over. I love kids, but I never have really thought so much into babies and the issue of abortion. I never really cared before today.
Today, I was reluctant to hold the baby. Its been a while since Ive held a tiny baby, so I didn't really remember what to do. I couldn't resist her for long though. When I was holding her in my arms, all I could think about was what I knew of her story. In my arms is this tiny baby. She is beautiful! This baby should have been someone's best Christmas gift ever, as she was born on Christmas day. Right now she is in foster care because she was born with Meth in her system. Her mom has about 6 months to get her life together and get her baby back.
As I stared at her, I wondered, how could anyone give this up? This little baby, a gift from God. This little miracle. How could so many people choose drugs over their children? How could so many people give up children and get abortions, while there are many who would give anything to be able to conceive just one baby?
I don't know this baby, but I do know that I love her so much. God created her with a plan and a purpose, and it just doesn't seem right that if her mom had chosen to, she could have terminated her birth, and her right to life. That cant be right, no matter how bad the circumstances may seem.
I have been weeping from being overwhelmed by the thoughts I am having today. I have friends that have gotten abortions, and it just breaks my heart that they had chosen to kill their babies. watch this clip:
This sickens my heart. The thought of some babies being born and living apart from the mother and being left to die in a storage room. Now how is that any different from aborting a baby even a few days old? The first day most of the babies features are made up like if it is a boy or girl, what color eyes and hair it will have and other things.
My heart is just broken right now. God is working something in my heart. I pray and hope that April can get her baby and we can give her a chance to have a better chance at life and raise her to be a Christ-Follower. Her whole life and even eternity could be altered, and we could get to have a chance to be involved in it. I know God has a plan no matter what happens.
I love God.
I am not another "religious" person that's just being radical and over-reacting. I heart is broken for these babies being killed everyday.
Today April got to have baby Ella over. I love kids, but I never have really thought so much into babies and the issue of abortion. I never really cared before today.
Today, I was reluctant to hold the baby. Its been a while since Ive held a tiny baby, so I didn't really remember what to do. I couldn't resist her for long though. When I was holding her in my arms, all I could think about was what I knew of her story. In my arms is this tiny baby. She is beautiful! This baby should have been someone's best Christmas gift ever, as she was born on Christmas day. Right now she is in foster care because she was born with Meth in her system. Her mom has about 6 months to get her life together and get her baby back.
As I stared at her, I wondered, how could anyone give this up? This little baby, a gift from God. This little miracle. How could so many people choose drugs over their children? How could so many people give up children and get abortions, while there are many who would give anything to be able to conceive just one baby?
I don't know this baby, but I do know that I love her so much. God created her with a plan and a purpose, and it just doesn't seem right that if her mom had chosen to, she could have terminated her birth, and her right to life. That cant be right, no matter how bad the circumstances may seem.
I have been weeping from being overwhelmed by the thoughts I am having today. I have friends that have gotten abortions, and it just breaks my heart that they had chosen to kill their babies. watch this clip:
This sickens my heart. The thought of some babies being born and living apart from the mother and being left to die in a storage room. Now how is that any different from aborting a baby even a few days old? The first day most of the babies features are made up like if it is a boy or girl, what color eyes and hair it will have and other things.
My heart is just broken right now. God is working something in my heart. I pray and hope that April can get her baby and we can give her a chance to have a better chance at life and raise her to be a Christ-Follower. Her whole life and even eternity could be altered, and we could get to have a chance to be involved in it. I know God has a plan no matter what happens.
I love God.
Monday, January 19, 2009
I love Jesus
"No Turning back, Ive made up my mind, I'm giving all of my life this time..."
I really love God. That's all I can say. I'm not going to be another statistic. I am going to be one of the few that make it. I've gotten too far to turn back now. It breaks my heart when I see others turn to sin, and I cant imagine how much more God hurts when they turn from Him. I care for people, but God's love is perfect, and He loves them so much more than I ever could.
I want to hate sin like God hates sin.
I want to love God like no one has loved Him before.
Even if everything in my life doesnt make sense, God is all I need to focus on and it will all work out.
Much love,
Corine
I really love God. That's all I can say. I'm not going to be another statistic. I am going to be one of the few that make it. I've gotten too far to turn back now. It breaks my heart when I see others turn to sin, and I cant imagine how much more God hurts when they turn from Him. I care for people, but God's love is perfect, and He loves them so much more than I ever could.
I want to hate sin like God hates sin.
I want to love God like no one has loved Him before.
Even if everything in my life doesnt make sense, God is all I need to focus on and it will all work out.
Much love,
Corine
Monday, January 5, 2009
God is waiting to give you a gift...
Really quick... I learned something today...
I was talking to my favorite person, April... (Well not so much talking as I was listening because I'm so stinking shy that I never say anything and I HATE it!) and something came up in what she was saying and I liked it a lot. This isn't probably what exactly she was saying, and it had nothing to do with anything she was really talking about, but this is what I got out of the convo...
It went a little something like this...
So there is God right?
And he is sitting there watching us.
You can tell by His face that he is excited.
Maybe he looks a little like this:
Ok so I know that's a picture of some weird woman, but imagine with me for a moment..
So there is God with this great gift he Wants to give us...
Watching us walk toward Him more and more everyday..
And He is just waiting for the right time.
Waiting to give you a gift.
A gift called blessing.
But maybe you decide to walk away.
Maybe not turn around, but just not waling straight toward Him anymore.
His excitement slowly turns to disappointment.
Then the disappointment turns to sadness.
Finally, God is broken hearted by your choice to walk away.
He had this great gift for you but you never knew it
Now you'll never see it because you walked away
Or maybe you didn't walk away, but its getting hard.
You feel like you want to give up...
you might feel like your working for nothing.
Im here to tell you DON'T GIVE UP!
Maybe your gift (blessing) is right around the corner.
God has plans for you. You might not be able to see it now, but you will. Eventually it wall make sense. God is just watching you and waiting for the right time to give you your gift. You will never know how much potential you could have that God wants to use if you give up now.
This was good for me to hear, but Ill write more later...
Late!
I was talking to my favorite person, April... (Well not so much talking as I was listening because I'm so stinking shy that I never say anything and I HATE it!) and something came up in what she was saying and I liked it a lot. This isn't probably what exactly she was saying, and it had nothing to do with anything she was really talking about, but this is what I got out of the convo...
It went a little something like this...
So there is God right?
And he is sitting there watching us.
You can tell by His face that he is excited.
Maybe he looks a little like this:
Ok so I know that's a picture of some weird woman, but imagine with me for a moment..
So there is God with this great gift he Wants to give us...
Watching us walk toward Him more and more everyday..
And He is just waiting for the right time.
Waiting to give you a gift.
A gift called blessing.
But maybe you decide to walk away.
Maybe not turn around, but just not waling straight toward Him anymore.
His excitement slowly turns to disappointment.
Then the disappointment turns to sadness.
Finally, God is broken hearted by your choice to walk away.
He had this great gift for you but you never knew it
Now you'll never see it because you walked away
Or maybe you didn't walk away, but its getting hard.
You feel like you want to give up...
you might feel like your working for nothing.
Im here to tell you DON'T GIVE UP!
Maybe your gift (blessing) is right around the corner.
God has plans for you. You might not be able to see it now, but you will. Eventually it wall make sense. God is just watching you and waiting for the right time to give you your gift. You will never know how much potential you could have that God wants to use if you give up now.
This was good for me to hear, but Ill write more later...
Late!
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