Yikes!

So today I'm just going to say whats on my mind... Let it all out. I guess that's what I always do anyway.

Im going through some stuff right now. Its' not too difficult. I know the right thing to do, but what if I don't want to do the "right" thing? Its complicated. Ultimately, I want to do the right thing because I dont wanna be regretting things later, but its just tearing me apart.

And then there is this whole dating crap. To wrap it all up, I dont trust God. This is what it all boils down to. How do I know that there really is one person out there for me. I have this whole idea and picture of what love is or what I think it is supposed to be, but what if it doesnt work out the way i think it should or is supposed to? No one is perfect, me included, so why would it be okay to be waiting around for the "perfect" man to come around and sweep me off my feet? What am I supposed to do?

I dont freaking know. I dont want to screw anything up. I want to be closer to God. I want His will for my life, but how do I know? Is it worth it to stray from Gods will for me to do what I think I want to do? No I dont think so. But what if it is Gods will for me to be single forever... That is a possibility, but thats not an option for me. That would just never work. lol.

GAY GAY GAY... this is so lame. I hate thinking about crap. I hvae to work through these thoughts and feelings and just make wise choices. No more doing what I want. I have to follow God. I have to lead by example and do the right thing. Ulrimately that is what I want out of life. I know I can do it. I want to do it. I will do it... yup yup... Well Im off to practice some guitar and then like pray or something cuz I need Jesus!

=]